Back to the past of swinging.
In the fifties the journalists referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s called “swinging,” but in any case of its name this swinging lifestyle seems to be growing in recognition among typical, grown-up married couples in the US. The popular media are paying increasing attention to the trend, regularly putting a encouraging spin on the effects which swinging has upon relationships. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are organized swing clubs in just about all states as well as Belgium, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are productive businesses which offer all levels of group activities for swingers including vacation plans, special retreat sites for swingers, and yearly gatherings and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers journey agency, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in February of 1998.
What exactly is swinging? Dissimilar “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and broadmindedness of infidelity in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of several sex partners at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a pair. Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the primary goal. Wife swapping is typically done in the company of one’s spouse and requires the approval of both to the experience. Though swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are policy restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its apologetics claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the privacy and untruthfulness inherent in one’s natural desires for sexual variety, the couple can discover their fantasies together without deceit or guilt. By removing the necessity for deceit from the marriage, a brand new stage of trust and openness about all of one’s feelings is apparently achieved without the destructive baggage of jealousy.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and intellectual interest because the effort to merge sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is basically “unusual” from the western model of idealistic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are reciprocally reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle in fact strengthens or weakens marital relationships, but in an era where 37% of husbands and 30% of wives, sometimes so-called hotwives confess to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 59%, and where family instability and parental neglect of children has become a major national worry, any attempt to redefine “love” and fortify the marital bond is worthy of our attention. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, prolong family ties, and enrich the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going section of the residents reported in past studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the general public. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the contentment of their marriages and life satisfaction generally as higher than the non-swinging population.
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